Stop Telling Me I “Don’t Look Like I Had a Baby”

Childbirth is hard ....like, it’s HARD. 36 hours (12 hours of *intense* back labor) is no joke.

Carrying an individual human organism around for over 9 months, is no joke. (Kudos to those who carried duplicates or triplets+.)

My body has “bounced back,” as most people would say... However, even though I am pre-pregnancy WEIGHT, I am definitely not in pre-pregnancy SHAPE.

Everybody’s journey is different. Some breastfeed; some formula feed. Some put baby in their own room from day one; some bedshare. We all follow our maternal instincts.

Insects have babies! I’ve wondered more than ever if a mama fly is sad when we kill her baby...

Regardless of much, my body displays its signs of childbirth. When I was pregnant, I was scared I’d get stretch marks. Immediately after childbirth, it didn’t  appear that I had any, and I was SAD. 2 days later, some appeared, and I couldn’t have been happier about the PROOF that I had a baby.

About two months postpartum, my neighbor saw me and said, “You don’t even look like you had a baby!” 😑 I’m not sure what it is about pregnancy that causes people to think they can comment on your body, but my goodness- STOP.

This body has gone through hell and back. After nearly 24 hours in labor, I thought I was literally going to pass out. I wasn’t sure my body could take anymore...

I’ve had a brain tumor removed too, and people say to me, “You can’t even tell.” Compliment too, right? But guess what- that was the most trying time of. my. life.

A friend posted recently:

“Stop being jealous of people in their winning season. You don’t know what they lost in their losing season.”

How that rang true!!! My oldest older brother DIED two days after my brain surgery... Believe it or not, it has helped me appreciate life more than ever. My mom was even convinced that he died so I could live. A life for a life, right? Wow.

So, sure, I’m back to pre-pregnancy weight 4 months postpartum, and I have a super sweet, limited-crying baby, but that delivery was *torture.* 

Attempting to discount the toll brain surgery or child birth took on me by stating, “Oh, you can’t even tell.” Is NOT a compliment.

Try *asking*: “How has it been going?” or “Do you notice any differences?” or how about an authentic, “Is there anything I can do?” and then follow through.

We are all our own worst critic, sure... But to meet me (or anyone) where they are begins with a question, NOT a statement.

*End rant*