Chastity is Synonymous with Charity*

“Chastity” is one of those words, I feel, that gets thrown around a lot, but is somewhat confusing on how to actually practice. “Be modest,” they say. “Premarital sex is wrong.” “Don’t masturbate.” “Don’t lust after your neighbor’s wife.” “Don’t look at pornography.” When I used to think of Chastity, I just thought of this big long list of things I ought not do. But who would have thought that Chastity can actually be a list of things we ought to do? Within my marriage, I have had more opportunities to actively practice Chastity than any other time in my life. Here’s how.

"Who would have thought that

Chastity can actually be a list

of things we ought to do?"

Chastity, by Webster’s 1.a. definition, means, “The quality or state of being chaste: such as abstention from unlawful sexual intercourse.” So, does that mean as long as I only have sex with my husband, I am officially a “chaste” married woman? Absolutely not.

Paragraphs 2337-2350 in the Catholic Catechism define Chastity with much more vigor. “Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being… [It] includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery… [which] is a long and exacting work… Chastity presupposes respect for the rights of the person, in particular the right to receive information and an education that respect the moral and spiritual dimensions of human life.”

"[Chastity] includes an apprenticeship

in self-mastery… [which] is a

long and exacting work…"

Wait… What? Chastity is all those things??

These paragraphs go a step further into the differentiation of “Continent Chastity” (the way Priests, Nuns & Consecrated Virgins live their life in celibacy) and “Conjugal Chastity” (the way married laypeople are to live out this virtue). This specific distinction is made in regard to the sexual aspect of Chastity, but whichever format we are called to practice Chastity within our vocation, it is far beyond the sexual context.

In order to live a truly chaste life, it goes beyond what we are NOT doing, and delves into what we must BE doing. Is the opposite of not cheating on my spouse, not cheating on my spouse? No. The opposite is to love my spouse in every way I know how. Is the opposite of choosing to not look at pornography, not looking at pornography? No! It is choosing to look at Bible verses or praying the Rosary, and choosing to study and focus on “whatever is true… noble… right… pure… lovely… admirable… excellent or praiseworthy” (Phil. 4:8).

"In order to live a truly chaste life, it goes beyond what we are NOT doing, and delves into what we must BE doing."

If Chastity is viewed as the virtue not only associated with sexual temperance, but rather overall temperance, and even prudence (self-mastery), it could totally reshape our world; choosing to do something Good, instead of not doing something bad. Perhaps ‘Chastity’ needs to be more synonymous with ‘Charity’ in our Catholic faith. Paragraph 2344 in the CCC says that Chastity is a “cultural effort,” and, further in paragraph 2347, states it is “expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor… It leads to spiritual communion.”

"Perhaps ‘Chastity’ needs to be more synonymous with ‘Charity’ in our Catholic faith."

What is Love? God is Love. And Love is the foundation of what so many are searching for in this day and age. If the Catechism says Chastity is able to be seen in our friendship with our neighbor, how could we confine the definition to not participating in certain sexual acts? Am I a decent friend to my neighbor just because I am not having sex with him or her? I hope I’m not the only one that thinks that sounds crazy! “The virtue of Chastity blossoms in friendship” because by being chaste, we are maintaining the integrity and dignity of every person around us (p. 2347, CCC).

God created us with life, love and free will. By properly understanding how our practice of Chastity works outside of our intimate relationships, we have the ability to see in others, and help others see within themselves, the life and love that dwells inside each of us. After all, do you feel love from someone for the hurtful things they did not say? Or is it from the words of affirmation they did.

*This blog was originally published at www.chastelove.org on 09/22/2018