Speaking Truth in Love

I feel like it would make life so much easier if everyone thought the same way as me. When my husband does the dishes, he inevitably does something "wrong." He either misses pieces of food on the dishes, or doesn't press the water out of the sponge, or doesn't make sure the sink is scrubbed and rinsed off... There's a whole list that I view as common sense to washing dishes, but his mind just works differently. As a strong-headed wife, I've had to learn (and am still learning) how to communicate in a loving and gentle way when things don't go how I think they should.

When a disagreement arises, it is in my nature to want to push what I think is right, sometimes to the point of being obnoxious. Whether it is something as simple as how the sink should be left after washing dishes, or something more significant like my views on abortion or gay marriage. The fact of the matter is, no matter what the issue may be, speaking with gentleness and love is of utmost importance.

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"...No matter what the issue may be, speaking with gentleness and love

is of utmost importance."

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Ever since I was young, my dad has told me I tend to lack couth when I speak in my "matter-of-fact" tone. I did an entire video on YouTube about this... About 6 years ago, this 'tone' I would speak in was brought to my awareness by a co-worker. It was interesting because I wasn't always in tune with when I would speak curtly, so I asked my co-workers to call me out on it by saying, "Watch your tone," when it was apparent.

Being gentle just isn't my forte. I was raised by two very opinionated parents, and I'm always told I'm the perfect balance between them. Simply put, this is an area that I work on daily, and my husband has helped me grow by leaps and bounds throughout the past 3 years of our relationship. That's what marriage is about, right? Helping your spouse get to Heaven... We see the good, the bad and the ugly, and our vocation is to encourage each other to grow every day.

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"...Our vocation is to encourage

each other to grow every day."

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So what tools have I learned along the way? First and foremost, I've learned I have to pick my battles. A sponge can get microwaved and the bacteria can be killed, but putting a knife sharp side up in the dish drainer is dangerous. Someone can use birth control (while I don't believe in it), but it may be a better option than outright abortion. Ultimately, the question I've found most beneficial to ask is, "Will this matter in 5 years... Or even 1 year?" If so, it's worth talking about. If not, then what? How can we discuss things that irk us without alienating the other person?

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"Ultimately, the question I've found

most beneficial to ask is, 'Will this

matter in 5 years... Or even 1 year?'"

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I, personally, have had to take a step back. Some days the little things still get under my skin, and I find myself muttering under my breath, wondering why my husband just can't get it right. Some days I still snap and speak in a disrespectful or sharp tone at him. The outline, so to speak, of how to communicate effectively in these situations at home goes something like, "I feel [insert emotion] when you [insert action] because [express why]." It could look like this: "I feel unimportant when you look at your phone when I'm talking to you because I enjoy having your undivided attention." This phrasing is an "I" statement which brings to ownership to ourselves instead of placing it on the other person.

But what about the bigger issues? And what if it's with a stranger? As a video blogger, I've experienced the full gamut of hateful comments from people who disagree with me, or even just disagree with me being the one to share information. (Check out some of the comments on this video about Sex & Marriage, for instance.) I've found there are two ways to choose to dialogue with strangers.

First, decide whether they are someone who is seeking to understand, or if they are seeking to argue. I've had someone at a get-together outright tell me that they disagree with Christianity, but love getting into aggressive arguments about it for the sake of yelling. They wanted to get into it knowing that I've studied quite a bit, but I simply told them repeatedly that I was not interested. If only people were always that forward... Sometimes you have to look at how they've phrased their "question" and how their first response looks. I've found if they are seeking to argue, they tend to repeat their question, even if you've properly explained why they're incorrect in their understanding of what the Church teaches.

Secondly, especially online, always respond calmly and with love, no matter how irritated they cause you to feel. This is because I've found the response you give is more for the third-party onlookers than for the person you're commenting with or tweeting. If the person is really starting to grind your gears, maybe step away from the computer for a minute, pray a Hail Mary or Our Father and take a breath. The gentleness that is given in every response shows how the Holy Spirit is at work in our life. Without it, we are acting on our own accord, and onlookers will have a more difficult time seeing why they would want to choose the life of Christianity.

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"The gentleness that is given in every response shows how the Holy Spirit

is at work in our life."

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Jesus tells us in John 13:35, "...Everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." Love is a choice, and we must choose that love for everyone every day; whether it's in our kitchen or on our social media page(s). It's within the traits that do not come easily that we have the opportunity for the most growth. If you are an infant in gentleness, you have the availability to grow twice as gentle in the next 5 months (just as an actual infant grows physically). Just keep eating your Spiritual food multiple times a day (reading the Bible, praying, trying, etc.), and the Lord will take care of the rest.